Learning To Let People In

I have come a long way with my personal growth/self-development, to the point that I don’t even know who I used to be. When I hear stories, I completely forget it happened and feel like it is just a story, something made up. Is it that im so content with who I am now that the memories have faded due to the lack of alignment, or was it the number of drugs I poisoned my body with, frying my brain? I don’t know, but I do know that I hold no attachment to my mistakes, I hold no attachment to the negativity that flooded my thoughts and everything around me, and I have no attachment to what wronged me. But I do keep an attachment to the fear of letting people in, the fear of vulnerability and allowing someone to have my heart.

With the work I have Put in with my self-development, I have become mindful of this and understand it’s not that I can’t make new friends; I self-sabotage the chance of making new friends. Still a work in progress as I have a backlog of PTSD to work through from the people I let in leaving abruptly and traumatically.
Every person who has been the absolute closest to me in my life is not very prominent today or just unfortunately tragically left. I think the most impactful was when I lost my dad; it was the only person at the time I felt I could trust, and when I lost him, I shut down. When I started to bring more people in, I loved unconditionally; whether they were friends or in a relationship, I always gave my all. When I lost this, I wasn’t sure how to cope because my entire world revolved around that relationship. I have acknowledged that I self-sabotage whenever I feel a strong relationship develop. I start self-sabotage as a defence mechanism, trying to protect myself from future disappointment or hurt. Not the way to live, and I’m happy I have begun to acknowledge this. It’s a tough pill to swallow that nothing lasts forever. Forever does not exist, and people will enter your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. not to confuse a lifetime with forever; eventually, we all go.

Now, not to make this a depressing post, the lesson here is that we can’t dwell on the past and don’t control the future. So do what you can to live the best life you can right now AND START LETTING THOSE PEOPLE IN!!
I have discovered a few tips that have helped me learn it’s okay to let new people in and had to share in case you are reading this and having difficulties with the same.

Now, of course, everything is easier said than done. However, you owe it to yourself to live your best life possible. If you are not allowing people in due to fear, then darling, you are not living. It’s time to break down some walls and let your fear ignite you. Stick with working on yourself, don’t give up, and as always, if you feel you need a little extra guidance, I am always here for you.